my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
