Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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