When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
