I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
