Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
