i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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