I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
