he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
