I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
