Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
