They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
