I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
