That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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