party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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