This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
