We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
