if i can run in heels then i can drive
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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