My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize