someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
