so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
