I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
