Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
