If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
