Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
