Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
