I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
