I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
