Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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