am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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