But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
