How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
