i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
