you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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