No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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