So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
