in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
