Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
