I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
