Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
