i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
