Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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