She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
