somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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