you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
