Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
A+ Viking dick
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
