a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
