woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I wear drunk well.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
