they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
