I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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