I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
