Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
